| It's been awhile.... So everyone is making xanga posts lately and honestly I miss it too, so I thought i'd join in. So much has happened since my last few posts. I live in Pennsylvania. No, it's not exciting. No, I don't have alot of friends. And no, i'm not enjoying it here. That's life though. There are good things here, there really is. So I don't want to sound like i'm completely bitching about how horrible of a hell this place is. It's just...not right. It's not even close to the same....
Whenever i'm hanging out with people I just feel...out of place. This isn't home. At home I knew when I was wanted somewhere and when I wasn't. I grew up there! I just never know when people tolerate me, or if they actually want to be with me. On a different note, I'm really worried about my grades... This last report card I had 4 Cs and 3 As. I don't really consider the Cs as so, though. Three 81s and one 82. THOSE AREN'T Cs! But it brought my gpa down. Alot. It's really hard to go from being an amazing student with a 3.875 to a C student with a 2.9. My grades mean alot to me. New topic: Relationships. I'm going to disguise their names, because I can. Ok, I was falling HARD for Bob. But I met this other person, George. Now even though I was falling hard for Bob, we never talked much, but I loved when we did. Usually it was only once a week, but i'd look forward to it. Now George. George is really cool and I really care about him. But George just happens to be in love with Bob, but they're just friends. So one day practice was cancelled and George wanted to meet me, so I went and hung out with George. That was on a Tuesday. That weekend I went and hung out with Bob. Now, remember Bob is supposed to "like" me. And it's pretty obvious I'm crazy for Bob. I even payed for both of us for the movie! and we actually watched the movie. WHO does that!? It was a pretty funny movie though. After the movie we were just talking and Bob said something about George and I was just like...yup. Bob asked if I knew George, and I couldn't lie to him, so I said yes. Even though George told me not to tell Bob I knew George. Bob got really mad and said I was shady and stuff. Bob went and bitched out George I guess, and George message me pissed and said George was deleting me and didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Then none of them talked to me for like 2 weeks until George messaged me one day and we had a small talk conversation. I message George a few days later and said that I missed George, and George went on about how George and Bob are doing GREAT and George doesn't want to mess anything up by seeing me again...and George was sorry...
There's just a few things that I don't really understand and a few things i'm kind of mad about. Bob said Bob liked me. and Bob knew I was totally head over heels for Bob. Bob even told me to try to come hang out, so I did. When we hung out it didn't seem like he actually even liked me. Idk...
It seems like they made me out to be some horrible bitch and then just....dropped me. They freaking hung out 2 days after the day I hung out with Bob at the movie. Bob hasn't talked to me since, and that's been over 3 weeks... I miss Bob.
I hope the absolute best for the both of them. As long as Bob and George are happy, that's what counts. Even if it's not with me...
New topic: Track. I know, ME in track. It got really hard for awhile because I pulled a muscle in my leg then hurt my ankles pretty bad. Bad enough I couldn't run on them... My leg is better now and my ankles are pretty much better now though. Our first meet is in less than 2 weeks and i'm pretty nervous. I suck at pretty much all of the events. I've been going jogging out of practice though and i'm really working at it. It's becoming pretty important to me.
Topic: Home. First off, I miss home. More than anything. It feels like I'm losing touch with alot of people and there's nothing I can do about it... Everyone is changing; maturing. Which is amazing! But it just seems like I'm...not. ( this sounds alot like lizzeh's post, but i'm not stealing your words LizzehMoo, I promise! <3) Almost everyone back home is now driving, except my freshman friends of course. Everyone now has better grades than I do. Everyone is getting jobs, everyone goes out after school, hang out wherever and do whatever. While even when I turn sixteen in 20 days, my mother won't let me get my permit, she won't let me get a job, and unless I go for a "walk" or something retarded, I'm pretty much confined to this house. It seems like everyone around me are growing up and moving on, while i'm stuck in the same spot I was years ago. I'm really happy for everyone though, I really am. They all deserve the best, and I love them and always will, even if we do lose touch. Which is breaking me apart to think about. I've gotten alot of shit since i've been here too about "who I am". I've gotten messages on myspace and notes in my locker and crap saying stupid things about how they hate i'm gay. For one, it's not gay, people. It's bi. Get it right if you're going to talk shit. I try not to let this get to me, but it pretty much secretly does! I honestly don't care what they think, but still... So i've pretty much concluded here that I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be, heartbroken, and figuratively speaking, a pile of pieces, and no one is here to put me back together. Who will put me back together...? |
i haven't hung out with liz or meagz or anyone in 4ever! i miss yallz, we need 2 chill sumtime! oh, and i got into this whole big fight thing with my parents about classes next year cuz i wanna still take my music. but they say if i take my music then i''m gunna fail in life and not amount to anything. but i took it anywayz, that's a bunch of bullshit.... do ppl really say stuff like that 2 their kids?? i mean, is it really that bad i wanna continue my music! i didn't know it was a damn crime! wow.... think this is gunna be my longest post ever. i need sum1 2 hang out with! i'm so fricken tired of these same weekends every weekend where i do absolutely nuthin and sit around all day! oh wellz... Any wayz, i've started talking 2 my best friend since like kindergarten again... which fricken rox! i figured we'd never talk again.... i think we're supposed 2 chill sumtime, which is gunna be awsome! i'll have sumthing 2 do! ... u know wut i feel like doin? callin sum1 i haven't talked 2 in 4ever and askin if they wanna go 2 eat. then sit there talkin and eatin awsome food then chillin l8r. just like on the shows. yes, i want a t.v. life.... they make it look like u can do w/e u want, when u want. i'm so bored! and i'm gunna end this post...bye!